The Chair/Transcript

	Opens up on Conor, Franklin, Wendell, and Ashley in the gaming room.
Wendell	Ah! Derek's Discount Pizza. (Opens pizza box) The best pizza three bucks can buy.
Ashley	How can we afford to make pizza for three bucks?
Franklin	Because Derek's a smart businessman who knows how to maximize profits.
Conor	Or because he puts ketchup on a newspaper and covers it in cheese.
	Conor, Franklin, Wendell, and Ashley grab their pizza slices. One more remains.
Ashley	Uh-oh. Looks like Derek cut it into five slices. Again.
Wendell	Well, I'm twice as awesome as you guys, so I'll just take the extra slice. (He is about to grab the remaining pizza slice.)
Ashley	You want it? Let's arm wrestle for it.
Wendell	What? No way! That's not fair! I mean, uh...for you.
Conor	Hey, guys. We're a team now. Whatever we get, we should share.
Wendell	Hey. What's this? (Takes off black sheet to reveal a chair)
	Franklin gasps. Franklin and Ashley walk up to the chair.
Conor	The new X3000 gaming chair our team got! That I'm not gonna share.
Franklin	What?!
Ashley	Thief?!
Wendell	Blasphemer!
Franklin	I've only read about the X3000! It's the most powerful interactive gaming chair ever made! Oh, I wanna get my buns in this thing.
Wendell	Your buns couldn't handle this thing.
Franklin	You know my buns can handle, Wendell!
Conor	All right, fine. Even though they clearly sent the chair to us because of me, we'll compromise. You guys can have the extra slice, I'm keepin' the chair.
Ashley	No way. We're sharing this chair equally between the four of us. (Gasps) I'll go get my mom's chainsaw! (About to walk away)
Conor	Okay. Hold on. You guys are right. This chair was sent to our team, and that's all of us. So, here's what we do. We'll hold a contest and game for it. Winner gets the chair. (Walks over to his collection of games) I'll pick one at... random. How about, (Grabs game case) Arctic Warfare?
Ashley	How about... (Grabs game case) Volleyball Hero?
Wendell	Uh, how about... (Grabs game case) Monster Truck Bloodbath?
Franklin	How about... (Walks over to game cases) yeah, I'm not good at any of these games.
Conor	That's true. Franklin's not good at any game, so, how 'bout we let him decide which artic-based warefare game we're gonna play. (Ashley and Wendell get shocked at this. To Ashley and Wendell:) Sorry. (To Franklin:) Franklin, it's your choice. You choose the game and that's what we'll play. Right, guys?
	Wendell mutters.
Ashley	Whatever.
Franklin	In that case, we'll play the game... (Turns around) of no gaming!
Conor	I'm sorry.
Ashley	What?
Wendell	Blasphemer!
Franklin	The chair shall go to whomever lasts the longest without gaming.
Ashley	Ohhhhhhh! So, we can only game on our phones.
Franklin	NO! You can game on nothing. Now, hand over all of your gaming gear. (Taps desk twice)
Conor	You know what? I'm in. (Hands in gaming gear)
Wendell	Well, if he's in, I'm twice as in! (Hands in gaming gear)
	Franklin, Conor, and Wendell stare at Ashley.
Franklin	Ashley?
Ashley	(Sighs, walks to desk; hands in some of her gaming gear)
Franklin	Ashley?
	Ashley hands in her tablet and phone.
Franklin	Ashley.
	Ashley hands in her laptop.
Ashley	You are a sick, twisted little man!
	Opening theme plays.
	Cut to Conor, Franklin, Wendell, and Ashley waiting for time to pass without gaming.
Conor	I can't take it. How many days has it been since we stopped gaming?
Franklin	(Checks watch) Uhhhhhhhhh...four minutes, sir.
Conor	Oh, man, this is terrible.
Wendell	Uh, Ashley? You okay? You don't look too good.
Ashley	I'm hearing voices!
Wendell	That was me.
Ashley	Oh! There they go again!
Conor	This is crazy. You know what? We can still game! We just...we just gotta go old school!
Ashley	Super Kart Man?!
Wendell	Pony Kong?
Conor	No! (Grabs board game titled "Whoopsie!") We're gonna play this.
Wendell	What is it?
Conor	It's a board game! It's called "Whoopsie!". I'll be the car. (Lays out board)
Wendell	I'll be the boot.
Ashley	I'll be the frying pan.
Franklin	I'll be the laundy basket!
Conor	Okay. Everybody put your piece on the start line. Franklin, your roll. (Gives Franklin the die)
Franklin	Okay. (Rolls) Six. (Stares at board) Uh, it's not moving.
Ashley	Maybe the batteries are dead.
Conor	There are no batteries! You move the piece by hand!
Wendell	(Scoffs) What are we? Animals?!
Franklin	(Moves piece) Two, three, four, five, six.
Ashley	(Rolls die) Four.
Conor	That's a whoopsie. You have to say "whoopsie!" and move your piece back two.
Ashley	Okay! I'm not doing that.
Conor	You have to. Or, you get sent to the "uh-oh" pit.
Ashley	Fine. Whoopsie! (Moves piece back by two)
Wendell	(Laughs) "Whoopsie." That is so dumb. (Rolls die) Three. (Moves piece) One, two, three.
Franklin	Ooooooh! You got a yowza card!
Wendell	(Grabs card, reading:) "Say "whoopsie" three times."
	Conor, Franklin, and Ashley laugh.
Wendell	Whoopsie. Whoopsie. (Tears apart game board) Whoopsie.
	"Rage Quit!" achievement appears onscreen.
	Cut to school. Wendell is seen carrying a wagon.
Ashley	What's all that, Wendell?
Wendell	I did all of my homework for the next year! It turns out I have a lot of free time when I'm not gaming.
Ashley	You know, I really thought one of you would've caved by now. And I'd be one step closer to getting that chair. (Hears sound) Wait. What's that sound?
Wendell	That's the sound of thumbs mashing buttons!
Franklin	And, I know those nimble thumbs.
	Wendell opens the door, Conor is shown.
Conor	Come on! Come on! You can do this! Level up! Level up! Yeah-heh-heh-heh! (to Franklin, Wendell, and Ashley) It's not what it looks like.
Franklin	Really? 'Cause it looks like you're pretending to play a video game with a calculator and a hamster!
Conor	That's not a hamster. He's a warlord from Narloo running on a plasma wheel to power his ship!
	'"'Hamster Power!" achievement appears onscreen.
Ashley	Uh, your warlord just ate a piece of his own poop.
Conor	You say poop, I say power pellet. (Exits room, shuts door)
Wendell	(To Conor:) You should be ashamed of yourself!
Conor	Hey, you're the one who dressed like it's picture day at St. Dweebs.
Franklin	Well, Conor didn't technically break the rules. Everyone's still in.
Ashley	For now. You guys are never going to make it. You know why? Girls have stronger willpower.
	Scene cuts to a room where all the students are gaming.
Conor	(Whimpers) What's all this?
Nordahl	Video game company Funtendo has taken over our school today, which means, no classes, all gaming!
Ashley	I'm out! (Starts gaming)
	Another screen is shown, showing Conor, Franklin, Wendell, and Ashley. Ashley is marked as "ELIMINATED".
	Scene cuts back to the school.
Wendell	Man. I've been sending in applications to have Funtendo take over our school for the past five years! And today is the day I win?! I hate stuff!
Franklin	Ashley, I can't believe you're playing the original version of Moon Blaster!
Ashley	You know what makes it even better? I'm playing at school!
Franklin/Wendell	Awwwwwwwww!
Wendell	Can I smell your controller hand when you're done?
Franklin	I call sweaty seconds!
	Cut to Conor and Nordahl.
Conor	No. Go forward! And hit the gas. You're only going twenty miles an hour!
Nordahl	Well, I am in a construction zone, and I wanna be safe.
Conor	It's a racing game. Now, hit the nitro!
Nordahl	Well, I thought you liked video games, Conor! You should play!
Conor	Doh, you stop peer pressuring me! As principal, you have to provide an alternative activity for those of us who choose not to game! Now, I want something to do. Anything.
Nordahl	(Points) Well, I see lunch lady Doreen is going buns over tea kettle for Donkey Bonanza.
	Doreen is seen playing Donkey Bonanza.
Nordahl	Maybe you could help out in the kitchen! (Playing game) Whoa! Those fellas just whipped right by me like a couple o' speedy demons.
Conor	That's why it's called, "Speedy Demons"!
Nordahl	(Continues playing game) Oh, good. A police officer. He will pull them over. Me? Why me? I didn't do anything. I can't get pulled over! I've got unpaid parking tickets! I'm not goin' to the big house! (Pulls wheel) Not today, fuzz!
	Cut to Conor and a chef.
Conor	Wow. We have a B from the health board? That's actually pretty good.
Kim	That's not a B. Hey, roaches! Beat it!
	The roaches leave the paper to reveal an F.
Kim	Okay, we're makin' a fruit salad, so pay attention. It gets pretty complicated.
Conor	You cut up fruit and put it in a bowl.
Kim	Oh! Look who went to fancy chef college! Now, I'll get the fruit and you slice, but don't cut the avocados. The pits will dull our knives.
	Conor picks up a knife.
Kim	Oh! This fruit box is really heavy!
Conor	Aha! Just...just toss 'em over.
	Kim tosses over an apple. Conor slices it successfully. "Fruit Samurai!" achievement appears onscreen.
Conor	Hey. Keep 'em comin'! (Camera zooms up to his face) Game on.
	A countdown appears on the screen counting down from three. Conor slices all the fruit, the words "LEVEL COMPLETE!" appear on the screen. Achievement "Perfectly Plated!" is unlocked.
Kim	Ooohhhhhhhhhhh! So beautiful! You think you're better than me, Mr. Fancy Chef College?
Conor	No! Well, at least I wouldn't say it out loud.
Kim	You're trying to take my job! (Starts chasing Conor) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
	Cut to the Billy the Squid restaurant.
Wendell	Now, many say the Mayflower compact was the blueprint for a democratic society in the new world. Wow! I think I just used something in my head that I've never used before.
Franklin	It's called your brain.
Wendell	It's giving me.....thinky bubbles.
Franklin	Those are thoughts.
Wendell	What have I become? (Gets out of seat)
Girl	(Scoffs) Stupid dragon ate me again. I thought I had a shield!
Wendell	Uh, activation is achieved by triple tapping the red button.
Girl	You know how to play this game?
Wendell	Yeah, I presently hold the high score.
Girl	You're Ginger Buns?
Wendell	Yeah, but I'm taking a little gaming sabbatical. It means a break. It's okay. I used to be dumb too.
Girl	It's too bad you don't play. 'Cause if you'd help me slay one little dragon, I'd be so grateful. I'd give you a big, (Camera zooms in on her lips) long, (Camera zooms in on her lips), kiss.
Wendell	I am so glad you can't see my thinky bubbles right now.
Girl	Are you gonna slay my dragon, Ginger Buns?
	(Runs up to the table) I'm out! (Runs up to the girl)
	Scene shifts to an image of Conor, Franklin, Wendell, and Ashley. Wendell is now eliminated.
	Cut to Conor's video titled "How To Survive Without Gaming."
Conor	So, gamers. You wanna know how to survive without gaming? Hahaha! Well, ask somebody else because I don't know! It's impossible. It's like trying not to breathe, or pee in a hot shower. It was down to me and Franklin to win that chair.
	Scene shifts to an image of Conor and Franklin.
Conor	I just had to keep my head down and get through the rest of the school day without losing it.
	Cut to school.
Conor	Okay. I can do this. (Low pitched echo:) I can do this. I can do this.
	Low-pitched laughter plays.
Nordahl	(Low pitched:) Step right up, Conor. (High pitched:) Play a game.
	Laughing is heard, Wendell and Ashley walk up to Conor.
Ashley	(Low pitched) Play with us, Conor.
Wendell.	(High pitched) You're a gamer. You're a gamer. You're a gamer.
Conor	NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Runs away)
Wendell	Sheesh! What's wrong with him?
Ashley	No idea. Wanna go see what they're servin' for lunch?
Wendell	Uh, sure, let's go.
	Scene cuts to Conor.
Conor	That was close.
Student	Dude, I just got to level thirty-five in Arctic Warfare.
	Conor grabs the kid.
Conor	You're on level thirty-five in Arctic Warefare?! I'm only on thirty-four! How are you on thirty-five?!
Student	There's a glitch. You can camp out in the glacier and rack up mad XP! But I heard the company's gonna patch it up any minute.
	Conor leaves.
	Cut to the Billy the Squid restaurant.
Franklin	I don't think I can last much longer. I saw a kid playing Turtle Taxi, and I started to sweat. I should just throw in the towel, because there is no way Conor's going out.
Conor	I'm out!
	Cut to the image of Conor, Franklin, Wendell, and Ashley. Conor gets eliminated.
Wendell	It can't be.
Ashley	That means, Franklin's the only one left. Guys, I think he might win this thing.
Franklin	I'm the winner! I get the chair!
	"Underdog!" achievement appears onscreen.
Wendell	There's losing, and then there's losing to... (Points to Franklin) him. How could you do this to us?!
Conor	I couldn't help it! I heard about a glitch in Arctic Warfare, but they must've patched it before I got in there! I was just climbing up and down the glacier like an idiot.
Franklin	Well, congratulations to all in a fair competition. Now if you'll excuse me, my buns and I have a date with the X3000 gaming chair. Shall we, ladies?
Conor	Well, I guess the little squirt got lucky.
	The girl walks in.
Wendell	Well, speaking of luck, looks like my lady is coming back for seconds. Hope you guys aren't averse to public displays of affection. It's about to get PG-13 up in here.
Ashley	I bet the "PG" stands for "pretty gross."
	Wendell moves his lips into a kissing position, but the girl walks by.
Girl	Have you guys seen Franklin?
Wendell	The name's Wendell, baby.
Girl	He owes me five bucks for pretending to like... (Points to Wendell) this one.
Wendell	"This one?" I'm your Ginger Buns.
Girl	(Scoffs) I should've asked for twenty.
Conor	Wait a minute. Franklin put her up to that? But, why would he... (Walks up to a table where the two kids are sitting) Hey, did you guys really find a glitch in Arctic Warfare?
Student	No. We just said we did, 'cause some mousey kid gave us gift cards to this tasy seafood sampler. Want a blow hole?
Conor	No.
Ashley	I'll take it. (Flings at the kid) That's for tricking my friend Conor!
Conor	Guys, Franklin played us like a fiddle.
Ashley	(Scoffs) Maybe he played you two scrubs, but not me. I only lost 'cause Funtendo showed up, and I have no willpower. Franklin didn't have anything to do with that.
	Principal Nordahl walks into the restaurant.
Nordahl	Oh. There you are, Wendell. Funtendo wanted you to have this special medallion for your act of bravery.
Wendell	Oh, well. Thank you very much. (Grabs his medallion)
Conor	Uh, excuse me. What "act of bravery" did you do?
Wendell	(Pauses) What act of bravery did I do?
Nordahl	Stop being modest. The only reason Funtendo came was because Franklin told them about you single-handedly pushing a beached baby whale back into the ocean.
Wendell	Well, it's all about leverage. See, if you get low and push with your legs...
Conor	Wendell. You didn't do that.
Wendell	It sounds like something I'd do. (Puts on medallion) You're welcome, Principal Nordahl.
	Principal Nordahl leaves.
Conor	I can't believe Franklin set us all up.
Ashley	He's a cheatin' rat!
Conor	No, he's not a cheatin' rat. He's a smart rat. Franklin may not be great at video games, but he played this game perfectly.
Wendell	Oh, really? Well, how do you know I didn't play him?
Ashley	'Cause, he's the one in the chair.
Wendell	Yeah, but I kissed a girl, and he paid for it.
Conor	Guys, you gotta admit. Our sweet, innocent little Franklin might just be...a mad genius.
	Cut to the gaming room.
Franklin	(In the chair) Hahahahahaha! Ah, those poor suckers never saw it comin'! (Drinks milk) This is the greatest day of my life.
	The chair starts going unstable.
Franklin	Mommy! Mommy!
	The chair throws Franklin into the wall. Franklin makes a hole.
Franklin	Ugh!
	Cut to Conor, Wendell, and Ashley playing "Whoopsie!".
Wendell	Okay! My turn! (Lands on a double whoopsie, everyone else gets excited)
Conor	You landed on a double whoopsie. You know what that means.
Wendell	Yeah, I do. Whoopsie! Whoopsie!
Franklin	I'm so glad Funtendo made a video game version of "Whoopsie!".
Conor	Yeah. Now, this game is actually fun.
Ashley	My turn. (Lands on a space) Yes! A group yowza.
Conor/Franklin/Wendell/Ashley	Yowza!
Singer	♪ Gamer's Guide! ♪
	Episode ends and credits play.